Am I doing enough to let my kids know how much I love them? To show them how much they mean to me? Am I doing enough to show my husband that he is important to me? That I value him? Am I snapping at him too much? I struggle with feeling complete in these areas. I struggle to work, keep a clean house, have fun as a family, connect with my husband. My middle daughter has been acting out alot. Do I treat her differently because she is the "middle child"? Or does she just need more one on one time then her big sis? Does she feel important and loved by me?
There are so many chances to doubt that I am doing enough. I know that I am not enough. I need Jesus. I need His strength and patience. I cannot do it alone. I am praying for help showing my family how much they mean to me. By my words and my actions. I have really been working hard at being gentle and patient. Correcting my kids with a quiet voice. I'm tired of yelling, it doesn't work. I am struggling to teach my kids kindness and gentleness by example.
I missed the girls haloween party at school. I think they were disapointed. I struggled with going and ended up not making arrangements for Jackson. I should of planned ahead and tried harder. This weekend will be busy, full of soccer activities. I plan on taking Fri to hang out with Jackson and clean my house. Saturday will be busy but I'm hoping to squeeze in a date night with my hubby. We do not date nearly enough, and I am looking forward to it. Natalie is staying the night with her soccer team saturday night. Shes super excited, I feel like I'll be missing out on time with her. But I dont want her to miss opportunities for having fun being a kid. I'll try to spend some one on one time with her. Sunday.
I feel guilty for having to work. I have since I became a mom. It could be more than it is, I am so blessed to be able to work part time. We are finally getting good footing finacialy and I know we wouldnt be able to without my income. I still pray about this, I know God has blessed me greatly with an amazing job with excellent pay. I struggle feeling like I could be a better mom, have a better home, if I was home full time. I am trying to focus on being grateful in all circumstances. The better I can manage my time, the more I can be present with my family, and bless them with a clean home, good food and encouraging words.
I am praying for guidance in managing my time, so that I can feel like I am closer to doing enough for my family.....